all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
