Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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