Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
