I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
