There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
