Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm really into asian looking animals
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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