On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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