U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
