I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My hand turned me down
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Randomize
