I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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