Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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