maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
