so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
