i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
