hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Oh god it's open bar.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
