i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
