That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
