The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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