I wish I could teleport
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
there is puke in my bra ... again
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize