it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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