hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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