season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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