I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
