I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
