when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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