The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I believe in your delicious
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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