I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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