I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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