he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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