and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
