Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
