She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
