JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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