a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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