feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
