He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Randomize
