no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
