im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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