I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
