Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
