He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
