That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
