we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
