Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
