and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Randomize