Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize