the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
