Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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