last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
