suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
