He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
