did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
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