You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
