put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize