I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
