I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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