if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
