You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
