just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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